Found in a ticket: I installed a perl module Archive::Zip from cpanel. How can i start using in my php coding.
Workplace Circus
Adventures in the 3 ring circus that is work.
31
Jul
no comment
29
Jul
Note: There is a private chat for techs to use to communicate back and forth that sometimes gets used to rant or be goofs. The following happened there.
Micah [2:22:04 PM]: How else to say “close windows?”
mike [2:32:01 PM]: @micah: “please identify and locate the lines forming 90 degree angles on your screen that could be considered a ’square’. once you find this common geometric shape, please look in the top-right hand corner of it. to identify the right-hand side, please extend both of arms outright. once extended, please extend your thumbs and pointer-finger. one of those gestures should simulate the letter “L”. you can assume “L” is for left. look in the opposite corner of the above mentioned “square”. there should be a number of smaller squares in this corner..”
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:33:06 PM]: …I don’t see any smaller squares in that corner.
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:33:12 PM]: just the time.
mike [2:34:40 PM]: “to identify the top of the screen, extend an object into the air. then release the object. please notice which direction the object traveled.. it’s safe to assume that is “down”. please look in the opposite direction to find the smaller squares.”
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:35:50 PM]: OH! I see now. ok. so, hit the one with the line?
mike [2:38:44 PM]: mikez: “hmm, let’s try this instead. look at the back of the computer, and find the wire connecting it into the wall. please slightly pull the cord out to expose the three small brass pieces of metal at the end of the cord. make sure the cord doesn’t come out of the wall the whole way- just partially. the computer isn’t working because these pieces of brass are too dry. please lick these metal pieces..”
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:39:18 PM]: all it did was make the GFI outlet pop.
mike [2:40:09 PM]: mikez: “effing advances in technological safety.. is there a window in your room, mam? what floor of the building are you currently on??”
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:40:20 PM]: first.
mike [2:43:36 PM]: “this is going to require an on-site technician to fix. the gentleman will be covered in tattoos and typically carries a large pistol for protection..”
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:44:09 PM]: Cool. I always keep my .45 on me, so all is good.
mike [2:46:46 PM]: that’s about when i’d end the call with a professional-but-firm, “listen to me, you worthless waste of air. i personally am going to take your life. maybe not today. maybe not tomorrow.. but if it’s the last thing i ever do, i swear on a stack of bibles, the last thing you ever hear will be the pop of my XD..”
mike [2:49:31 PM]: but you gotta say it with a smile. you gotta be sure to score high marks if there’s a customer-satisfaction survey at the end of the call.
Level 2 Scripting Ninja – Mike [2:50:13 PM]: of course.
19
May
Coworker [10:03:52 AM]: “don’t break my script, my achy breaky script, or it might blow up and kill this box” </billy ray>
14
May
Customer: mike i love you please work me
12
May
Level 3: Whoa. This box was processing 10,000 queries a second for like 30 seconds.
Level 2: It’s the little server that could.
7
May
*Jamie walks up to Matt and pets a bobble head wookie on his desk, then walks off*
Adam: Dude, she touched your wookie!
5
May
Mike [5:25:56 AM]: You should remove anything that holds a copyright in the US>
Customer [5:29:28 AM]: i will try to search for any illegal files if they are, but i don’t know them all, if i miss something what could happen?
Customer [5:29:49 AM]: go in prison?
30
Apr
(To a coworker who was sniping chats while the phone queue was building up)
L2 Matt [5:14:36 AM]: Less pew pew more QQ
28
Apr
*coworker lobs a few marshmallows at a coworker, missing him by a few inches on each one*
*coworker lands one after 5 or 6 tries on coworker 2’s head*
Coworker 2: Finally you hit me.
*coworker lobs the handful of marshmallows at coworker 2, many of which bounce off of coworker 2’s head*
Coworker: The shotgun approach always works!
23
Apr
FIRST TIME SALES QUESTION [2:45:38 AM]: me Tarzan
Mike [2:45:48 AM]: And me Mike.
FIRST TIME SALES QUESTION [2:46:29 AM]: lol… didn’t know this think actually works…. don’t want to take your time..just messing around
FIRST TIME SALES QUESTION [2:46:35 AM]: but…
FIRST TIME SALES QUESTION [2:46:41 AM]: did you see Jane !?
Mike [2:47:06 AM]: I no see Jane, just sales questions. 
FIRST TIME SALES QUESTION [2:47:48 AM]: damn it… that crazy woman is gone shopping again .. with my jungle credit cards … well have a nice day buddy I am going to start up my elephant
FIRST TIME SALES QUESTION [2:48:39 AM]: I will beat her like an neanderthal when I catch it..
Mike [2:48:46 AM]: haha. Thanks for contacting Support.
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